Broken Hearts

How many of us have a heart that looks like this? Has your heart been broken, bruised, and beat up? Have you tried to piece it back together with a band-aid, stitches, and some super glue? Or is there still a giant tear down the center that doesn't seem fixable no matter how many band-aids you put over it?

I've had my share of broken hearts over the years. Sometimes it was broken by guys being jerks, other times it was after a fight with a best friend, other breaks were caused by things too personal to share. Cuts made by stupid boys or crazy arguments have been fairly easy to mend; a few stitches here and there along with some deep breaths and a few positive self-affirmations did the trick. However, some cuts are deeper than others, some leave lasting scars even after you've done your best to stitch them up. These are the cuts that really change you.

We can become so preoccupied with the pain of our broken hearts that we turn away from all the good surrounding us. We become bitter and angry at the world. In an effort to shut out the pain many turn to drugs, alcohol, and other destructive behaviors. This pain and darkness becomes so difficult to carry day in and day out that many people turn to self-harm and even suicide.

On the other hand, we can choose to take our broken hearts and look to the light. We can find healing in the situations that caused our pain to begin with. It will not always be easy, but it is possible to rise above the pain and find beauty in the ashes. We can use our circumstances to help others who have faced similar things and are struggling with which path to choose. We can find things to be grateful for even in the midst of the most dreadful situations. Taking actions to choose the higher road will lead to a brighter future. This is the path that ends in happiness, peace, and living a life of purpose.

I know these things from personal experience. I have personally traveled down both roads. Several years ago I was struggling with a heart that I thought had been torn in too many pieces to be able to put back together. It was a real Humpty Dumpty situation. I felt alone and could not see a way out. No matter how hard I tried to fix the situation it seemed like all I did was make it worse. I withdrew from life as much as possible. I stopped spending time with my friends, slept a lot more than I should have, and became very moody. Then I started cutting. It is hard to explain, but the act of cutting always made me feel better for a moment...kind of like getting high when doing drugs; you feel better for a little while and then ten times worse afterward. Despite the intense emotional pain I would feel afterward I kept cutting just so I could feel that ten seconds of euphoria. Eventually, the cutting wasn't enough and I attempted suicide. I grabbed a bottle of Lortab and just started swallowing as many pills as I could. When the drugs first started kicking in I felt that momentary euphoria and was sure I'd made the right decision, but then I started to feel sick and instantly regretted my decision. In that moment I realized I did not want to die, but was afraid it was too late. I struggled to grab my phone and call a good friend I was pretty drugged and out of it, all I can remember telling him was that I didn't want to die. The next thing I knew I was in the ER surrounded by doctors. Luckily everything turned out okay. I was admitted to the psych unit and was able to learn some very important life-saving principles. I learned how to look to the light instead of the darkness. I learned the importance of a positive mental attitude and finding joy in the little things. I now live a life that is much happier than before. It didn't happen overnight, but one day at a time. Each day I found a reason to smile and be thankful was a day my burden lifted just a bit and before I realized it I had come out of my black hole and was once again basking in the sunlight.

Do I still have tough days? Of course! Do I still have times where my heart feels broken and all I want to do is cry? Absolutely! The difference is that on those days I still take time to make a list of the things I'm grateful for and find at least one thing to smile about. It isn't easy, but it is possible. No matter what is causing your heart to break there is hope, there is light, there is a way out.

If you are struggling with something here are a five tips to help you deal with it in a positive way:

1. Activities: Distract your mind for a while by engaging in some activities that you enjoy. Do some crafts, exercise, read a good book, dance it out, go to lunch with a friend.

2. Contribute: Do something for someone else. Be thoughtful. Think of someone who may also be struggling with something and find a way to lift their spirits.

3. Thoughts: Think positively. Make a list of things you are grateful for. Make a list of things that make you happy. Write down at least one good thing about your day. Write down a list of all the things that are bothering you..and then burn the list!

4. Rest: Sometimes sleep is the best thing for you. Take a nap. If you are in a situation where you can't take a nap then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. You'll be amazed how much something so simple helps.

5. Spiritual: No matter what you believe in connect with your higher power. Say a prayer. Read your scriptures.

I know that at least one person reading this right now is struggling with a broken heart of some kind or another. Take time to find something that makes you smile today. It doesn't have to be huge, it can be as simple as a frosty from Wendy's or a bag of peanut butter M&M's. Put a smile on your face and write down one thing you are thankful for and I promise that the pain you are feeling will seem a little bit lighter.